Do You Know, Clare?
by everyoneisMISunderstood
Summary: Do you know how gorgeous you are? Do you know that I'm kind of messed up? Do you know that you erase my scars? Do you know that maybe, just maybe, I love you? Eclare. Oneshot.


**(A/N) This was written to quench my thirst for this week's episodes because I am dying for some Eclare. Set sometime after Still Fighting It but before any of the remaining episodes in The Boiling Point.  
**

Do you know, Clare? Do you know?

Do you know how gorgeous you are?

Even on that day when you found me, you were like some kind of angel, albeit an avenging one. When someone's so hurt and angry they shouldn't be allowed to pull it off so well, it makes everything that much harder and that much more complicated. Your eyes are so clear, you would never be able to lie to anyone because when I look into those beautiful blue orbs I can only see the truth.

Do you know it's not just physical beauty?

It's been said in movies a million times, but somehow I could never bring myself to believe that when you have a stunning personality, you become far more attractive than any supermodel. And that's what you achieved.

Do you know that it should be illegal for someone to be so perfect?

You're amazing in every conceivable way. You're kind and giving, and I know that once you become of legal age, you'll probably start donating blood and organs. You're smart, possibly the only person that I'd call a genius. And we've already covered how pretty you are, though pretty certainly doesn't cover it.

Do you know how jealous I was?

When I found out about you and KC, I was concerned that I'd get arrested. Why? Well, I was a bit worried I'd try and assault him. After all, when I saw you for the rest of the day, you weren't alone. I'd see you and him, arms twined together, laughing. He never deserved you.

Do you know that I'm kind of messed up?

Yeah, you do. You told me yourself, though you were being sarcastic. Sometimes though, there's a bit of truth in every witty comment made up, and in that one, there was never a deeper honesty. If KC didn't deserve you, then I shouldn't even be allowed to _think_ about you.

Do you know that I used to worry I'd never heal?

Self-medicating. That's what I used to call it. Sometimes, I could almost find a way to justify my drug and alcohol intake, but when it came right down to it, I knew I was wrong. But how else was I supposed to cope, knowing that I massacred my own girlfriend, that it could happen again?

Do you know that you erase my scars, my memories so complex nobody seems to really understand?

Julia's face used to be the only one I could see. I'd stare at someone but I'd never really see them because their true face was masked by hers. It was a punishment of sorts, a living reminder of my heinous crime.

Do you know how much I cared about her?

She was my everything, literally the bane of my existence. If I'd never gotten so close to her, then maybe it wouldn't have been so bad when she was gone. Just like every other situation, it was my fault. My fault that I was in so much pain.

Do you know how important you are to me, perhaps even more so?

Sure, she was there for me, and I'll always be grateful that she saw something in me that was worth her time. But you, Clare, you somehow found a way to care about me even after I got more screwed up.

Do you know why I changed my mind?

I was going to let you leave. I was going to let you hate me so that you'd be better off in the long run. But when you got on that bike, I could only envision you getting hit by a car, the same way Julia did.

Do you know if I could have coped?

Because I sure wonder. It was hard enough the first time, but if it happened _again_, I don't know how I could have survived, how I could have ever hoped to go on living my life like everything was alright because it would have been such an obvious lie.

Do you know that you scare me?

For someone so innocent and incapable of doing any wrong, you frighten me more than any bully. You make me feel things that people like me aren't supposed to feel, you make me feel awake and so, so hopeful.

Do you know that maybe, just maybe, I love you?

Do you know, Clare? Do you know?

**(A/N) This is a lot shorter than all of my other Eclare oneshots, but it's quality not quantity, right?**


End file.
